Moods,Thoughts...

29/03/2013

I finally am in my beloved island, Bali. I earned it after 4.5 months of difficult times with death of very close people (1 of them family member), working a lot and after a looooooong, exhauuuuuusting, traumatising journey which took me from Beirut to Beijing via Doha and from Beijing to Bali via Kuala Lumour.

Stayed in Beijing for 3 days and that was really enough. Pollution from here, freezing cold from there...
Western countries' standards concerning the pollution's red alert are 50 micrograms. In Beijing, population suffered for 8 weeks in a row: 500 and sometimes more micrograms. In french school and I guess all foreign schools, kids couldn't play in outdoor playground all that time!!!! Scary huh? And pretty serious.

When I was there last week, have been very lucky to have 1st day 172, next day 192 and last day 204 micrograms.

About the freezing cold, for the non beijingers, I have to explain that in China, heaters are cut from March 15 to November 15 even if extra cold!!!!

It was snowing 2 days before my arrival and happy not to have been there at that time.

Now, I feel extremely good, lucky, happy and blessed to be in the sun, heat and next to the ocean. The magic indian ocean.

My arrival here has been traumatising and very very unpleasant. after 7 years on and off in Bali, among them 3 years where I was spending 4 weeks in China and 5 here, custom officers asked me to take out EVERYTHING from my luggage, from my backpack but nothing from computer bag. Then, they asked me to give them my hands to detect I don't know what. Then, they took my empty luggage again to X-rays. Not enough yet? They opened the zipper of the luggage itself, you know the one which covers all the structure. When we refilled the luggage, they didn't give me back my lock.
You think it ended there? Oh no!
They "invited" me to follow them to kind of office where there was a lady and a room. They asked me to follow her for body search (I thought like in Beirut, we go behind a curtain and the woman touch us everywhere but on top of the clothes). The lady puts one foot in the room when an officer gives her the order to take gloves???!!!!!!!
At that point, I really started to freak out. I mean, gloves when going to body search in an airport could mean only one thing, right? Once in the room, extra dirty, I see a more dirty lounge chair. What for? body search+gloves+lounge chair = more than freaking out, starting to feel raped, more than humiliated, can't describe what I felt. Anger, fear...Even if I did have absolutely nothing to hide, maybe BECAUSE I had nothing to hide, I was that scared. I mean couldn't accept being treated like that when I did nothing at all.
The lady asked me to go totally naked.
I did til the panties. She insisted. Then had bright idea to get her disgusted doing anything with her hands with gloves. It worked so well that she didn't even want to touch one tiny little part of my skin. I was astonished that she didn't try even to touch on top of panties like in Beirut.
All in all, they kept me 1.30 hour. When asked them why they have done this to me, they answered "random" (today a guy working with these people told me random in Bali is at departure not arrival). But you know what, for me random means at least 3 or 4 people are fully searched in 1.30 h not only me.

I started relaxing today, 4 days after my arrival, and still, I am very emotional when it comes to the words travel, airport and luggage.

18/05/2011

Lots of thoughts...Lots of questions?

Should I stay or should I leave? 

To do or not to do that's the question.

Have I made the right choice to leave my beloved Bali and its natural and healthy life for also beloved Beirut with its buildings, incredible amount of construction sites, and its life is mostly based on fine dining, partying and sun tanning and some gossiping?

After thinking well, I think I should be millionaire to swing and switch from one to another.

Another question is: should I get a regular job or try to lauch a business? Or both? Hard one huh? Everyone would like to have it's own company but how many could afford that? In terms of finances but also sacrifices in all means...

I have to say Bali helped me in many ways. I healed there mentally and physically but also discovered the real me as in nowadays' hectic life, none has the luxury to really think about himself/herself. We don't have time or luxury to think about what we would like to do, give ourselves the ability to go where we want to go in life, and dreams are certainly not an option...

According to millionaires and billionaires who started from zero, dreaming is a big part of their success, it's the key. Indeed, first step is dreaming, then visualising ourselves in the success and wealth scheme, then we can jump and put in practice and work hard...

What do you think about this statement and how do you feel about it?

For my part, I still have dreams, thanks God, and still believe I will ultimately make one of them real.

So, I try to keep being myself, being confident in my abilities and competences, and believing what I believe, even if I have to be out of the general stream. I feel that if I follow the general stream, I'll get a bit further from my dreams and will therefore make less efforts to reach the point I want, means reach my dreams.

Dreaming is the most beautiful activity on earth as it softens our daily life, makes everything seem better and easier and releases the stress we accumulate at work or elsewhere.

Hope I expressed well what I feel and made myself understood.

Sleep well and tight tonight and don't forget leaving your imagination go wild. Dream, dream, dream